If you really knew me...

You'd know that I never think I'm good enough. When people tell me I'm doing a good job, I assume that they're just humoring me. "How could they possibly be telling the truth? They're just trying to make me feel better?".

If you really knew me, you'd know that I apologize too much because, somewhere deep down, I feel the need to apologize for being me. I know that's not true, but I have a hard time believing it. There's a big difference between knowing and believing.

If you really knew me, you'd know that it is hard for me to believe that I deserve to be loved. Again, I usually think to myself, "How could they possibly love me?". I'm always waiting for the other shoe to drop. Subconsciously, I think "When are they going to figure it out and leave me?".

If you really know me, you'd know that sometimes (a lot of the time) I hate the way I look. Sometimes, I feel like the ugliest person in every room.

If you really knew me, you'd know that I have treated people poorly and regretted it. I have let moments where I should have stood up for someone pass me by without saying a word. I have said "Yes" even though I wanted to say "No".

If you really knew me, you'd know how much I've changed over the years. All of the stuff I said above makes it seem like I really hate myself. There was a time in my life when I did, yes. However, a few years ago, I started to make a conscious effort to change the way I viewed myself. I discovered that the bad decisions I had made were making me dislike myself more. I realized that no one else has control over my actions. My words and actions are the only factors that I truly can control in life. I realized that there's no point in being sad or angry about a situation unless I've done all that I could to make the situation better. I'm always trying to be better than I was before. If I've made a decision in my life that didn't work, I try something new. I can honestly say that this is one of the things I like best about myself.

I would challenge you to talk to yourselves (not out loud:). Have a conversation in your head with yourself where you ask, "Did I do everything I could to make the situation better? Did I do the right thing?".

"Shoulda, Woulda, Coulda": What should I have done? What would I have done? What could I have done?

All great questions to ask yourselves in order to reflect.

What about asking "Should, Will, Can": What should I do now? What will I do next? What can I do to make things better?

You are the only person who controls the decisions you make, the actions you take, and the words you speak. You decide what kind of person you will become. I decided I wanted to be someone that I could be proud of and admire.

What kind of person do you want to be?